One day, my student asked me to help him out with giving a reaction on a part of the book, “Chinese Cinderella”.
I was intrigued with that small part so I asked my student if I could borrow the book over the weekend.
While reading the book, I shed some tears because I can relate to the feelings of Adeleine. I felt how hard it is to make a place in your own family. No matter how much you try, it simply cannot be.
I have been struggling for so many years now to become a part of this family, to be recognized as a member of my family.
Twenty one years ago, I brought shame to my family because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Three years later, I married the father of my son so that they will stop calling me names. But after four years my husband had a falling out because he was a womanizer, a mama’s boy and a deeper reason I just can’t divulge. My family blamed me for this telling me it was entirely my fault. So to stop them for saying things, I just said yes, that everything was my fault. They never asked me what happened, why it happened. They already made up their own conclusion.
Even if I got pregnant at that time, I made it a point to finish my schooling. I graduated after giving birth. Did they get to attend my graduation? Nope, they did not because they said it was just a waste of time. My father even told me that my diploma was a fake, that I just bought it at Recto. I used my diploma to get a job, to prove to them that I did graduate. Unfortunately, they were blind.
It is true that my parents are supporting us, both me and son, I really appreciate it. And to repay their generosity, I help out in the family business in every way I can, the best I can. Still, I get tons of humiliation from my family… called different names from being a slut, a bitch and the latest is insane, aside from despicable swearing words. And this kind of humiliation occurs in front of our helpers or even in front of clients.
Up to when should I fight for my position as a member of my family? Even my son is affected because he is also struggling to be recognized as being a part of this family.
My parents bought and built a place, with four units. Of course, one is for them and the three is for their children. But we were four in the family. My father said I’m not going to give you a unit because you have NO money. And I said it is okay because my son and I can still stay at our small room. Truthfully, I was hurt but it is also true that I have NO money. So I abide to his decision after all I am nobody.
Like Adeleine, I will try to make a life of my own. I know it ain’t too late ... that hopefully someday, my family, most especially my father will recognize me… as a member and that I am his only daughter.
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